Updated: Jun 6
Journaling like this has been the last thing on my mind today (V+). I didn’t change anything from my routine for Day 1 of the cleanse. I assumed that since I’ve done this before it will be fine. Generally it’s been fine, except I have been feeling very light headed (V+). And obviously my small pitta eyes are extra sensitive (P+) right now and hurting after the day infront of the laptop.
But I’m okay. The kitcheri was delicious, especially the beetroot buzz. I’ve never made it in the previous cleanses, scared that I won’t like it the overwhelming taste of beetroot. I was pleasantly surprised by how much I enjoyed it. Want the recipe for it? Let me know I will send it to you.
Triphala: So the interesting thing that Greg (Senior tutor at Dru Australia) shared about triphala is that it contains 5 of the 6 tastes, except for salty, which are sweet, sour, spicy, bitter and astringent. And that the taste you get on your tongue upon taking them is the one we need to balance our doshas. This is from Caraka’s wisdom.
The taste I got was sweet, which is what I need: sweetness in my life. I have been reaching out to more sweet cakes lately for absolutely no reason, which is unlike me. But when you have a vata imbalance, your natural body wisdom will seek sweetness to appease the nervous system and is very grounding. But when Ayurveda says sweet it does not mean pastries, sugar or candy, it means beetroot (makes sense why I am currently enjoying it so much), olives, sweet potato, dates, mangos, etc…
I don’t know where this journal will go, I am scared of the mental state I am in and how it will come out during this cleanse. (V++)
Normal routine: Weighted myself upon waking up. I lost 1.5kg in one day! After losing 8kg after the separation, I’ve been working hard to be at a normal weight again. I don’t want to lose more, else I know I will panic and would want to go to the gym. I did some breath work to calm myself. (V++) It must be the water retention; I have been bad with my water intake lately.
I started with my lime water with honey and started my yoga practice. I am currently doing the Surya Namaskar. I only did 2 sets, although my pitta self wanted more (P+). I’ve been feeling amazing from the full body workout that the Surya Namaskar offers and it does not make me miss the gym. But the Surya Namaskar is very heating and not good is done in excess, hence why keeping it at 2. I was told to do only 1 set, but you see my abs are forming (just the lines) so can't really not do any workout for 7 days 😛
The day went same as yesterday with the same symptoms: light headed, painful eyes. I did pass out at some point and it was all my body needed. All the symptoms were gone. My body just needed some rest. I have been having horrible insomnia, sleeping at 3,4 or 5am everyday. So in the next few days, I will try to nap.
By the early evening, the mental ama started showing its colors. I was finishing up the New Moon post, which talks about Aries. It made me relive events from the past, past conversations, past people. But I understand it is part of the process of the cleanse. Clearing ama at the manomaya kosha and moving towards the vijnanamaya kosha. Manomaya kosha is the level of the Self, the “I think therefore I am.” It is the mind and the senses; and how we respond to it. I’ve been struggling to accept the fact that my intuition was wrong on someone. If you know me, you know my intuition is never wrong. If I say something, it is always that. I can never doubt my intuition; that’s how good it is (or I thought).
I’ve been stuck on this without answers, until this morning, my brother gave me the answer I needed. Trying to understand my intuition with logic is foolish of me. My intuition goes beyond the mind and the senses. For whatever reason, my intuition (6 years ago and every year since then) told me that he is the person; I cannot keep questioning it. My intuition was always right and will always be. It will always be the light guiding me through the darkness.
I look forward to keep clearing the ama and letting go, except deeper this time with a deeper connection to my Self and to God.
Always in gratitude,