I’ve been surrounded by people going through break ups, hardship in relationships and people going through engagements, marriage, pregnancy or the birth of their new baby. I’ve loved the balance that the Universe created around me, while I observe and appreciate each’s journey whilst being myself contently single.
Something that I observed looking at my happy and grounded taken/married friends is how they are independent from their partners, in the most loving way. This is something that I am learning in my single life. These friends (I will include myself in this) date themselves, while also dating their partners. They cherish themselves; they cherish their partners. I can easily observe how on weeks where they forget themselves, they are meaner to their partners.
Bringing balance in a relationship means you are balanced yourself. Omitting this commitment to oneself is the biggest betrayal / injustice towards your partner. It isn’t selfish to focus on you, to honor yourself; and then from that beautiful self love to focus and honor your partner. Be in a relationship with yourself before anyone else.
Sorry to all my beautifully taken people, the next part will be mainly for the single people or people struggling in their relationship.
What would entering a healthy relationship look like?
Ponder on this for a bit and journal about it, write it out or record it.
Be specific. For example, kindness has always been my number one value that I look for in a partner, but what does kindness mean to you? How will your partner show kindness?
Someone can seem kind, but actually not be kind to you. So, go the extra step to figure out what you mean and what you need.
Now, what are some of the things you wrote about your ideal relationship/partner, that you could do for yourself?
After my last relationship, I realized why did I wait for someone to be present for me or why wait for the next relationship before doing things that I appreciate. While I heal the past wounds, I don’t want to jump into a relationship with someone as I don’t want to attract based on a lack of. So I implemented.
I truly started dating myself. I always wanted to go to the beach with my partner; now I take myself to the beach at least once a week. I do not wait for swim buddies, I go swim or snorkel by myself.
I want to try a new restaurant or a new menu, I take myself.
I need someone to talk to, I learned about my inner wisdom and I trust it while making decisions.
Feeling insecure about something: I sit with the emotion and get to the bottom of why I am feeling this way.
I am not saying that you should be alone, I am saying that you don’t need someone to validate you and seek advice with someone before seeking yours.
Embracing the solitude isn’t easy, but it has been the best few months of my life. (Well hardest too, but let’s look at the bright side) Yes, there are things that a partner provides, look to your support group for the things that you can’t fulfill on your own.
Use the worst things that happened to you as fuel for your growth and healing. Remember you deserve better, so be stoppable in fighting for your being.
My last question for you, what would entering a healthy relationship with yourself look like?
Let me know :)
In gratitude,
Shweta
