I hear myself say, “I will never forgive you for ....”
I didn’t expect these words to come out of my mouth. I’ve accepted fate, I’ve accepted the actions that left me traumatized. I’ve accepted. Or so I thought.
How do you heal actions that leave you broken?
How do you feel trauma at mind and body level? (Cause the Soul always knew you were going to experience this.)
I honestly do not know yet. I thought I did. Just like, I thought I forgave already.
Let’s explore the journey from being broken to healed. Let me start by saying I felt my brokenness after a break up; yours could be something deeper, more abusive and completely different. And just like I wish that no one ever goes through a heartbreak as bad as the one I went through, I hope no one ever has to go through what you went through. We can only pray for a better world and better human beings, while leading to be this better human being.
What is the broken journey like? Be inspired by your own experiences.
How do you pick yourself up?
How do you move forward?
My main way has been through writing it out. I shared my whole existence with my ex; after our separation I needed a safe outlet as we are on no contact. Journaling, writing, blogging showed up in my life.
For this one, I would suggest doing a forgiveness letter. It can be toward a person or towards yourself.
Below is what I wrote months ago as a forgiveness letter to myself:
Dear Shweta Rohini,
I love you and I like you. I am proud of you for everything that you do. I am glad you took the event of the separation and worked on it. And you took it as a wake up call. I know you are not healed yet, but it will be fine. This too shall pass.
But the main reason, I write to you today is to apologize. I know you miss him, but it is very clear how wrong he is. One person cannot do this to you. If it was pure genuine love, it wouldn’t have felt like this. You’ve dated before, so you know what I am talking about. ‘When you truly want something, you make it work and you find a way.’ But he only found excuses to bet against us the whole time.
So Rohini, I am sorry that I made you stay. I am sorry that I made you stay for someone who was just waiting to bail. I am sorry I made you choose him when it was clear as day that you had to leave. I am sorry I made you accept him again and again through the emotional availability, the injustice, the betrayal and lack of presence, growth and general motivation of life. I am sorry. Truly I am. Now I am sorry that you have to go through this pain, when he had already lined up his next. I am sorry. Nobody deserves this lack of respect after all these years together. You put up with so much, that the Universe had to slap you for correction.
However, I want you to remember, ‘Nothing is happening to you; everything is happening for you.’ This has been a blessing, as things are already better in your life and even better things are coming
Although I am sharing a personal letter, I want you to remember that there are two sides to a story. No one is right, no one is wrong. I am neither right nor wrong. Nor is the other person. This is just my experience of the situation.
Just as we have our own map of the world or internal reality we need to understand that every one has their unique view point on life we need to understand and respect this.